Showing posts with label quotes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label quotes. Show all posts

Sunday, February 2, 2014

Book Spotlight: 'The Drowning Girl' by Caitlin R. Kiernan (2011)

The Drowning Girl: A Memoir is one book I've read countless times, and it seems to get better the more I reread it. For me, the narrator's voice is compelling and memorable - she's the one writing the memoir, an attempt to piece together her contradicting memories about a woman named Eva Canning... "who might have been a ghost, or a wolf, or maybe a mermaid, or possibly, most likely, nothing that will ever have a name." But Imp is a schizophrenic who has problems with perceptions of reality. Its a book with a broad scope, so its quite difficult for me to summarize. Even this review from Publisher's Weekly, though good, is still limited, I think:

Kiernan’s finely crafted stand-alone fantasy guides an artistic young woman through a maze of false memories and blurred realities. A diagnosis of schizophrenia is no surprise to India Morgan Phelps, aka Imp; her “family’s lunacy lines up tidy as boxcars” down the generations. Meds and psychiatry help keep her stable until she meets Eva Canning, who looks just like the woman in The Drowning Girl, an 1898 painting that has enthralled Imp since she was a child. Imp’s need to learn the truth about Eva brings on dreams and memories that can’t be real, and the obsession only gets worse when Eva abruptly disappears. Could Eva be the ghost of the woman who inspired the painter of The Drowning Girl, or a priestess whose worshippers died in a mass drowning in 1991? The chiding voice in Imp’s head urges her to get her stories straight, but how can she when reality keeps changing? Kiernan evokes the gripping and resonant work of Shirley Jackson in a haunting story that’s half a mad artist’s diary and half fairy tale. Agent: Merrilee Heifetz, Writers House. (Mar.)

Here are better reviews: Elizabeth Hand's and from Tor.com.

I also don't know how to recommend it... at first reads it was quite vague and annoying, but then the mysteries began to get clearer at later reads. It can turn off some readers (from what I can gather from the negative reviews). What I admire most is how Imp was written. She's only a fictional character yet this gave the effect that she does exist, and the writer to create such a believable person is amazing. In the memoir, Imp inserts her own writings, two short stories that are my favorite parts of the book: "The Mermaid of the Concrete Ocean" and "Werewolf Smile". These are fictions inspired by Eva the mermaid and Eva the werewolf.

So... instead of trying to write a review, here are quotes from the book, which tells more about the book that what I can say about it. Though I am not insane like Imp, I do relate to her... especially the things about intrusive thoughts.

On crazy: "It’s a myth that crazy people don’t know they’re crazy. Many of us are surely as capable of epiphany and introspection as anyone else, maybe more so. I suspect we spend far more time thinking about our thoughts than do sane people."
"Am I dragging my feet because I’m a crazy woman who knows damn well she’s crazy, but who doesn’t want to be reminded just how crazy she is by having to tell two stories that are true, when only one can be factual?"

On religion: "We never went to church, because my mother was a lapsed Roman Catholic, and always said I’d be better off steering clear of Catholicism, if only because it meant I’d never have to go to the trouble of eventually lapsing."

Libraries: "All my life, I have loved visiting the Athenaeum on Benefit Street. Rosemary and Caroline took me there more often than the central branch of the Providence Public Library downtown. The Athenaeum, like so much of Providence, exists out of time, preservationists having seen that it slipped through the cracks while progress steamrolled so much of the city into sleek modernity. Today, the Athenaeum isn’t so very different than in the days when Edgar Allan Poe and Sarah Helen Whitman courted among the stacks. I couldn’t begin to imagine how many hours I’ve spent wandering between those tall shelves and narrow aisles, or lost in some volume or another in the reading room on the lowermost floor. Housed there within its protective shell of pale stone, the library seems as precious and frail as a nonagenarian. Its smell is the musty commingling fragrance of yellowing pages and dust and ancient wood. To me, the smells of comfort and safety. It smells sacred."

On ghosts: "Ghosts are those memories that are too strong to be forgotten for good, echoing across the years and refusing to be obliterated by time. That’s another thing about ghosts, a very important thing—you have to be careful, because hauntings are contagious. Hauntings are memes, especially pernicious thought contagions, social contagions that need no viral or bacterial host and are transmitted in a thousand different ways. A book, a poem, a song, a bedtime story, a grandmother’s suicide, the choreography of a dance, a few frames of film, a diagnosis of schizophrenia, a deadly tumble from a horse, a faded photograph, or a story you tell your daughter."

Intrusive thoughts: "I explained to her that, “It’s like I put on a pair of headphones, and at first there’s no sound at all coming through them. No music. No voices. Nothing. But then,” I said, “way in the background, so soft maybe you only think you’re hearing it, there’s static. White noise. Or someone whispering. And slowly that sound gets louder and louder. At first, it’s easy to ignore. It’s hardly even there. But, eventually, it grows so loud you can’t hear anything else. In the end, the sound swallows the whole world. Even if you take the headphones off, that noise won’t stop.” She nodded, and smiled, and told me I’d eloquently described what are called intrusive thoughts. Involuntary and unwelcome thoughts that can’t be shut out no matter how hard someone tries."

Hauntings: "Sirens are intrusive thoughts that even sane men and women have. You can call them sirens, or you can call them hauntings. Doesn’t matter. Once Odysseus heard the sirens, I doubt he ever forgot their song. He would have been haunted by it all the rest of his life. Even after his terrible twenty-year journey, the archery competition, even after he gets Penelope back and the story has a happy “ending,” he must still have been haunted by their song, in his dreams and when he was awake. Every time he saw the sea or the sky."

Dr. Ogilvy and the pills she prescribes are my beeswax and the ropes that hold me fast to the mainmast, just as my insanity has always been my siren. As it was Caroline’s siren and Rosemary’s siren before me. Caroline listened and chose to drown. Rosemary drowned, even though there were people who tried to stuff her ears and did tie her down. 

This book trailer got the feel of the story right:

Monday, October 14, 2013

Another rant on writing.

Once, I was reading a blog by a creative writing student. The language was elegant, I liked how she wrote about her everyday life in almost poetic terms. I like it when normal and mundane scenes are rendered in a new way, and it was a delight to read. Then, I read that she had a long writer's block due to some comment made by her teacher who scorned most modern writing for being too "navel-gazing" -- that is, too much about the self, too self-centered and individualistic. Each time she tries to write something which looks like it would be about herself, the stern voice of the teacher comes back to mind and halts her.

That made me sad for her. This comment by a supposed 'authority' blocked her own creativity. I also see the teacher's point, though, but I disagree with it. Who was he or she to say that people should be scorned for writing about their own lives? We lived. We're humans, and each of us is the protagonist of our own stories. The stories I find most affecting are when the writer talks about her own experience, and I read it and find that I'm not alone after all in the world feeling it, and someone has written it in a way I can't express by myself.

But... What I learned about writing were from books about writing. William Zinsser and Natalie Goldberg, the two teachers whose books I read, is about teaching others to trust their own voices and experience. Everyone has a unique voice, everyone can write about their lives with honest dignity and detail. Writing, of course, is a personal act. How can we write about other things without our own perspective?

I don't think I can stand studying writing, as in a formal education about it. I believe writing and reading is enough for that. I read her experiences about classes and workshops, and each meeting sounded like a pressured episode of Starstruck. I am suspicious about the idea of 'constructive criticism', because reading is a personal act, too. Everyone will have different judgments. A critique will only point out a flaw or a personal opinion but in the end of the day its the writer who writes and practices.
- - - - -
"I’ve been in writing workshops where we have worked on a bad poem, criticizing it for twenty minutes. That’s ridiculous. It’s a waste of time. It's like trying to beat a dead horse into running again. You can have the confidence that the writer of that poem will write other poems. You don’t need to think that if you don’t whip something out of the bad poem the writer will never write again.
You can have the courage to be honest. “There’s some good stuff here, but it doesn’t make it.” And go on. It’s a good process to be willing to just let go. Allen Ginsberg at Columbia University went up to his professor, the literary critic Mark Van Doren, and said, “How come you don’t criticize work more?” His response was, “Why bother talking about something you don’t like?”
from Natalie Goldberg’s Writing Down the Bones

Write as fast as you can because someday you’ll die and if you didn’t tell all the stories you had in you it will hurt. (No one believes me when I say this is the exact and honest reason that I have written so many books while being so young. I tell them: “I’m going to die soon. I have to write faster. I only have fifty years or so left if I’m lucky. That’s not enough time.” They laugh, and I’m not joking.)
Catherynne M. Valente

Monday, September 23, 2013

On Rereading (and Kakashi agrees)

kakashi hatake, icha icha paradise, come come paradise, kakashi reading, reading quotes, rereading, poppy brite
from aschs
(But it’s been so long I had a book so absorbing I read until morning… the last I recall is The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms by NK Jemisin last May.)

What I like about this, though, is Kakashi re-reading. The second time is always better than the first, because usually in the first reading I go too fast because of the suspense and wanting to know what happens next. I love what author Poppy Z. Brite had to say about rereading:

"But if the story is interesting enough, I’ll want to reread it examining how it happens, how it’s constructed, how the author elects to tell it. These are often difficult aspects of a story to attend to when you don’t know what’s coming. When you don’t have to worry about page-turning suspense, you can take more pleasure in a story’s subtler aspects.

But it’s not always that technical. There are many books I reread simply because I want to spend more time with the characters, or want to return to the mood the story put me in the first time I read it.”

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Great Reads Quarterly, April-June 2013 (2/4)

From now on, every post about books will have a picture of Kakashi reading.
Lots of things to do, Midterms is over, and we're in the middle of gathering the answered questionnaires for our Research and it involves me and my thesis partner running around the libraries in the city. Then, all the writing left until the semester ends by second week of October. My room is repainted aquamarine, a shade of sea-green. I have a new closet and a narrow floor-to-ceiling bookshelf, painted light pink. The ceiling is white. I could stay here for hours. (I am).

Continuing Great Reads Quarterly '13...

These book reactions were supposed to be posted last month... Right now I'm reading more short stories (that can be finished in a sitting) than novels. From April to June, I've been reading so few books.

Caedmon's Song by Peter Robinson (1990)
It was going to be a long haul, this recovery, Kirsten thought with a sudden chill of fear. It wasn't going to be easy at all.

In the topic of serial killers, it seems that more is said about the psychology and life of the killer than his victims. Killers fascinate and scare us, but most of the time their victims are just statistics.

What if a victim survives a vicious and brutal attack? I never thought about that myself until I read Caedmon's Song. Kirsten, a graduating university student, celebrates her last days in university with her friends by partying. However, she wakes up days later in a hospital, her body barely held together by stitches and having no memory of what happened. Due to damage from stabbings, her womb was removed. Life changed, but the killer is still out there. She decides to hunt him down herself and kill him, not only for revenge for herself but also for the other victims already dead, and to prevent him from killing more. She wasn't satisfied with the police investigations, and took it upon herself to deliver justice.

The book focuses more on Kirsten, the serial killer doesn't show up until the last few chapters. What's striking is how people treated her after the attack, saying that "she almost got herself killed" as if it was her fault, not the killer's. Instead of sympathy, she just got more hostility. The downward spiral that started from the attack was also depicted well, and her alienation from friends and family. In the end, it was a triumph for her. It's a good story about revenge. (Yeah, my words don't do it justice.)

No matter how bleak some of the possibilities seemed, she felt free at last. Even imprisonment would be a kind of freedom now. It didn't really matter what happened because she had done what had to be done. Now she was free.

The works of Catherynne M. Valente
I haven't finished reading her novels Deathless and Palimpsest yet, I go slow, the words better savored that way. Valente's use of language, her twisting words into iridescent images and spell-binding poetry, is overwhelming. Reading her written words illicit a physical reaction in me: I feel cold, I feel the little hairs on my nape tingle, I feel mild shocks through my spine. I'm not exaggerating. Mere words can make me feel that, and I read her sentences over and over to feel them again. Its almost like a drug. Very few writers make me feel that. I only ever finished her short stories online. I recommend "How to become a Mars Overlord", "The Harpooner at the Bottom of the World", "The Wolves of Brooklyn", and "Secretario". Valente is known for re-envisioning legends, folklore, mythologies, histories both real and imagined, blending science fiction and fantasy. Her voice is unique.

I would sacrifice a hand to write like that. Or my liver, because if its my hand then I can't type.

The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms by N.K. Jemisin was very good and complex, and at the moment I can't form an adequate summary or review, and the book is the first of a trilogy. I'm halfway through Book 3. I'll probably write a post after I finish it.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

"April's ending already!?" [long rant ahead]

I was about to write something eloquent to say that this blog will be updated rarely, that I'm thinking of abandoning it and just post book reviews. Then, something happens that makes me say: Wait, I still have a lot of Shit To Say that I can only write out. Writing it out is better than speaking it out loud. Words can be rewritten, edited, and polished to convey what I want to say clearer than when I speak. My writing personality is stronger than the rest of me. I think the 'me' here is different from Real LifeTM. Except when:

"You keep a blog, and in that blog you say shit, and the shit comes back to haunt you," said author CaitlĂ­n R. Kiernan in an interview. For me, that also applies to all stupid things and comments I ever posted on the internet. Or anything I ever told anyone I now regret telling them. I'm not a fan of 'opening up'.

These two pictures sum it up:
I have more sympathy for the sunken Titanic.

This is what I want to tell anyone who imposes on me their Idea Of Fun. It seems they don't even know what 'relativity' means. I have tried to conform to their Idea Of Fun, but turns out I was happier in MY own Idea Of Fun. Yes, I get this all the time. I have to keep my cool because sometimes these people need a dose of a Punch In The FaceTM  for their arguments. Not that I'm strong enough to hit them, but its what I imagine doing. "My Idea Of Fun? You leaving me alone," is what I will say next time it happens. (This is not about books at all like in the picture).

This sounds vague. To be specific (I hate bringing this up again): annoying extroverts who try to convince introverts that extroversion is the Only Way To Be. Hell, that I even describe myself as that was a long time ago! Someone assumed I was "anti-social" and proceeded to lecture me and try to 'improve' me. What the hell? The issue is very simple: I get along okay with everyone! I just really need some alone time or I'll go crazy! Is that so abnormal? Problem is, they don't even believe me or hear out my side. They'd rather stick to their imaginary version of me. They'd rather tell me what they think is RIGHT, when I'm fine and alright with myself.

I was really drained from entertaining his arguments. He never succeeded in 'improving' me (only in pissing me off, which I think was his intention all along then tell me to 'Calm down' when I was reasonably explaining my side). Well, congratulations mister! You're a Toxic Energy Vampire I'd get rid from my life! "I'm not anti-social, I just don't like you! I'm only anti-social towards you."

OMFG, why didn't I think of that last two sentences earlier? Really, all good answers come late. I should've said it lovingly, with a smile and a happy tone. Ah, let's just erase this day from memory.

All this? What happens when someone creates problems out of nothing. 

Moral lesson: It's people who assume they are 'well-meaning' are prone to be control freaks. They tend to be assholes who aren't aware they are assholes because of their (self)righteous ideas. I learned today to never speak to them in the first place. They seem to get an odd satisfaction when they get people to shut up. I don't know how to say that in English: it's when people are like, "Te, nag-hipos man sya gali" to prove themselves right. They get off on that. Don't speak to them and pretend they don't exist. They won't have the satisfaction of 'shutting you up' if you don't speak to them. I wish I was strong enough to do a decent Punch In The FaceTM on them. For now I'm content with the mental image.

My Answer: That quote from Neil Armstrong I posted a long time ago. Ah, maybe that person didn't care enough to be updated about my life. Not that I expect anyone to be.

 Topic #3: Quotes of the Week

I'm reading a funny story. Some may be annoyed by the main character's attitude, but he has reasons for acting that way. If I was surrounded with people like those around him I'd act like that, too. Some quotes:
  • "He was the careless dud, the false alarm, somebody who strived to be nobody."
  • "Nobody liked him and he liked nobody. That was the natural balance of the world around him and that was where it needed to stay. A friend would only get in his way."
  • "At least his sister put food into his stomach and a roof over his head. These teachers didn't offer anything of remote use to him, and thus he wouldn't succumb to their will."
  • "After all, where he went people did not follow, and where he stayed was were people left. It suited him just fine."
  • "He was not a joker. He was just one of those drifting nobodies who wished everyone would leave him the hell alone.

In writing all that out, I feel so calm now. Something to laugh about later.This is the last time I mention it, and somehow I don't feel angry anymore -- I just feel pathetic for wasting my time.

Monday, April 8, 2013

Great Reads Quarterly, Jan.-Mar. 2013 (1/4)

Expect 4 of these reviews for 2013 (First this April, then July, October, and January '14). I will start this to encourage myself to read and to post here more. I will not include all the books I read, just a few I like. Again, these are more of reactions than reviews. I'll try to keep it spoiler-free.

Before Ever After by Samantha Sotto
Shelley's husband Max dies, and after three years a stranger knocks on her door who resembles Max and claiming to be her husband's grandson. He tells Shelley her husband is alive and well, and they travel from Madrid to Boracay to find the answers to Max's mystery. The story occurs in flashbacks: from the time Shelley met her husband, a tour guide for a European tour; to the stories Max tells about the history of the many countries they visit.

The love story felt cheesy and rushed but I liked the details of travel across Europe and the bits of historical tales Max narrates. It was overall okay. Max is some sort of immortal who has lived many lifetimes. Shelley must make a choice between death and 'ever after'. But it ended in a very ominous way that was more horror than romance for me. I wonder if it was foreshadowing for a sequel...anyway the writing style is good and its a cheaper tour to Europe and through time while not leaving your seat.

This book was widely talked about in its release as its written by a Filipina author signed by a big, international publisher (Random House).

Blood Oranges by Kathleen Tierney (a.k.a. Caitlin R. Kiernan)
Funniest book I've read in a long time. Siobhan Quinn is a monster hunter, but none of your romantic notions or expectations. She's long been fighting the 'nasties' but one unlucky night changes her life: she's bitten by a vampire and a werewolf. The hunter becomes the monster. Werepire? Vampwolf? Her drug addiction is replaced by a new craving for blood. She was 'changed' to be a weapon for some vampire's revenge plot. What I like is the book's take on the Supernatural underworld (there's even a demon brothel and trolls under bridges) and when Siobhan wakes up naked after turning to a werewolf and eating someone. I also like the monsters here, they are actually monstrous. As Siobhan says: “And take it from me, vampires sure as hell don’t sparkle… or glitter… or twinkle, no matter what that silly Mormon twit may have written, no matter how many books she’s sold, and no matter how many celibate high school girls have signed themselves up for Team Edward.”
In my mental cast of characters, Quinn is played by ex-Sugababe Siobhan Donaghy and Mr. B (another guy from the trade who helps her) looks like Leonardo DiCaprio in Django Unchained.

Land that moves, Land that stands still by Kent Nelson
Most of the story occurs in a big farm and the daily maintenance of land is detailed, and I thought it would be boring at first but it's not. Mattie recently lost her husband to an accident, and her daughter Shelley comes back. They are joined by Dawn, a weird mechanic who has changed her name many times; and a runaway Indian boy. They encounter annoying relatives, douchebag neighbors, violent ex-boyfriends, and other problems. I like the theme of random strangers who end up like family (oh, I liked that too in Samurai X).

Non-Fiction:
Dojo Wisdom for Writers by Jennifer Lawler
A book of 100 short inspirational essays that applies a Martial Arts perspective on writing. It made me want to take up Martial Arts, and its another book to read when one feels down because reading a few essays gives me motivation to persevere and be positive. It can also be applied in areas other than writing.

The Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller
It's a short book on family psychology but there are some parts I can't follow because I'm not familiar with psychoanalysis. It is full of insights on children not having 'real selves' anymore due to parents' expectations of achievement, and this manifests as depression in adulthood. This particular paragraph hit me:
"...all the love he has captured with so much effort and self-denial was not meant for him as he really was, that the admiration for his beauty and achievements was aimed at this beauty and these achievements, and not at the child himself. In analysis, the child that is hidden behind his achievements wakes up and asks: "What would have happened if I had appeared before you, bad, ugly, angry, jealous, lazy, dirty, smelly? Where would your love have been then? And I was all these things as well. Does this mean that it was not really me whom you loved, but only what I pretended to be? The well-behaved, reliable, empathic, understanding, and convenient child..."

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

On Education yet again (Tumblr reblog)

Everyday, millions of innocent children are unwillingly part of a terrible dictatorship. The government takes them away from their families and brings them to cramped, crowded buildings where they are treated as slaves in terrible conditions. For seven hours a day, they are indoctrinated to love their current conditions and support their government and society. As if this was not enough, they are often held for another two hours to exert themselves almost to the point of physical exhaustion, and sometimes injury. Then, when at home, during the short few hours which they are permitted to see their families they are forced to do additional mind-numbing work which they finish and return the following day.

This isn’t some repressive government in some far-off country. It’s happening right here: we call it school."
When he was in the ninth grade, open-access champion Aaron Swartz, who took his life last month, stood up in front of his school assembly and read this, affirming the need to change educational paradigms away from the factory model of schooling.  (via explore-blog)

I have a love-hate feeling towards school. This is the kind of problems that made me stop for awhile, and though I like some aspects of it, what I like most will be getting out of it. A year left.

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Great Reads this 2012


I'm not used to talking about books, really. Especially when they move me. I think my reviews or explanations are inadequate. My summaries are so clumsy compared to the elegant prose and plot of the actual text. I'm not good in recommending, since my taste often makes others roll their eyes. I'd like to shove books I think are awesome to others, but for now I'll content myself with just writing about them on the internet.

Alabaster: Wolves [comic] by CaitlĂ­n R. Kiernan (2012)
dancy flammarion, caitlin kiernan, comics, new, contemporary, dark, supernatural
I mostly read manga and not American comics, but I follow Kiernan's work and the first cover was great so I read it. Dancy Flammarion is a wandering monster-hunter, who may only be delusional, and fighting for (?) God. In this story, she's in an abandoned city overrun by werewolves. Her guiding angel leaves, and Dancy must rely on her wits and resources to fight creatures she encounters. She has always been travelling alone, but now has two unlikely travel companions: a talkative bird, and a ghost of a werewolf. As a review says:"Dancy’s not pretty. She’s not sweet. She’s wary and weary, determined and damaged; and she’s spent long enough fighting her way through darkness and weirdness that they’ve begun to cling around her like a lingering stench. She stares out from Greg Ruth’s covers, equal parts haunting and haunted."
werewolf, dancy flammarion, supernatural, comic strip, sample

The Drowning Girl: A Memoir by CaitlĂ­n R. Kiernan (2012)
This book has been described as "half mad artist's diary, half fairy tale". Imp is schizophrenic, and obsessed about paintings. Her memories are confusing to her, and tries to write a memoir to make sense of inexplicable events regarding a mysterious woman named Eva Canning.

Sphere by Michael Crichton (1987)
There's a spaceship. In the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Experts from different fields are brought down to investigate: a psychologist, mathematician, biologists, etc. They find a Sphere. Where, when, why, how, what, all these to answer. Some mysteries are best left as mystery. (I can't articulate how cool it is.)

The Passage by Justin Cronin (2010)
This is a different kind of post-apocalyptic vampire story. A research called Project NOAH wanted to find a cure for aging, but things go wrong and a virus turning people into "virals" spreads across America. Chaos ensues to the point where even government can't solve. Decades into the future, humans carve their own isolated communities. A girl from Project NOAH survives for a century without growing old, the research's sole successful experiment. She may hold the answer on how to save the world from the virals. This book has a lot of compelling characters, and impossible to put down once started. Highly recommended.

Song of Kali by Dan Simmons (1985)
Re-reading books gives one more perspective about the story than the first read. During first readings, I tend to go fast because of the suspense, and wanting to know what will happen next. In reading again, I focus on how the story is told, how the author achieved this effect, and I always discover something I haven't noticed before. This book gave me chills in first reading. I liked it even more the second time, and I'm looking forward to more readings. I bought it because I like Kali the goddess, the Hindu pantheon is much more interesting for me than Greek gods.

An American writer is given an assignment to Calcutta, India, to interview an Indian poet rumored to be dead years ago. Calcutta fascinates and intimidates him. The assignment doesn't seem simple anymore when said poet is rumored to be resurrected by the powers of the goddess Kali, involving complex rituals of human sacrifice by the  Kalipalika cult. This is labelled to be horror but it can be a tear-jerker, and even if how morbid it is, its also a funny book. I especially like the character Krishna (well, that will be for another post).

Here is the often-quoted introduction of the book (while searching, I found a complete copy online. Go read!):
Some places are too evil to be allowed to exist. Some cities are too wicked to be suffered. Calcutta is such a place. Before Calcutta I would have laughed at such an idea. Before Calcutta I did not believe in evil — certainly not as a force separate from the actions of men. Before Calcutta I was a fool.
          After the Romans had conquered the city of Carthage, they killed the men, sold the women and children into slavery, pulled down the great buildings, broke up the stones, burned the rubble, and salted the earth so that nothing would ever grow there again. That is not enough for Calcutta. Calcutta should be expunged.
         Before Calcutta I took part in marches against nuclear weapons. Now I dream of nuclear mushroom clouds rising above a city. I see buildings melting into lakes of glass. I see paved streets flowing like rivers of lava and real rivers boiling away in great gouts of steam. I see human figures dancing like burning insects, like obscene praying mantises sputtering and bursting against a fiery red background of total destruction.
     The city is Calcutta. The dreams are not unpleasant.
     Some places are too evil to be allowed to exist.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

2PAC on education

I only new Tupac Shakur (aka 2pac) as a rapper from the 90s with a bad reputation who died early, though I've never heard any of his songs. Better late, now I'm reading more on him. He's my next favorite dead celebrity after the late comedian Bill Hicks.
School is really important: Reading, writing, arithmetic. But what they tend to do is teach you reading, writing, arithmetic…then teach you reading, writing, arithmetic again. Then again, then again, just making it harder and harder just to keep you busy. And that’s where I think they messed up. There should be a class on drugs. There should be a class on sex education. No, REAL sex education class, not just pictures and illogical terms…There should be a class on scams, there should be a class on religious cults, there should be a class on police brutality, there should be a class on apartheid, there should be a class on racism in America, there should be a class on why people are hungry, but there not, their class is on…gym….Their class is like Algebra. we have yet to go a store and said, “Can I have X Y + 2 and give me my Y change back, thank you.” You know?…Like foreign languages. I think that they are important, but I don’t think it should be required. Actually, they should be teaching you English, and then teach you how to understand double talk, politician’s double talk. Not teaching you how to understand French and Spanish and GERMAN. When am I going to Germany? I can’t afford to pay my rent in America! How am I going to Germany?
—Tupac, Age 17 On the Topic of Education, 1988.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

Remind yourself always


Connect to your internal GPS:
Missteps and false starts are part of any process. The key to staying on track lies in viewing each one as a minor glitch instead of a total system failure. One solution? Take a cue from your car's global positioning system. To get you from point A to point B, the GPS doesn't need to know where you were yesterday or if you got lost three turns ago. It needs to know where you only want to go now.
- Timothy Maher, "Small changes, big results" from body+soul magazine

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Overloadead

I'm in that period in college life that I'm swamped with a lot of work, but I enjoy them. I even like studying, researching, and reporting. My mind, all the ways I think of the world and deal with people, has significantly changed from what I was around the same time as last year.

I recently stumbled upon the comic strip Unshelved, about the cute little culture of libraries and librarians.

I'm an LIS student, and since there's less than 10 of us in class for every major subject, class doesn't feel like class, its more like a round-table discussion. Some subjects, we have a few from the Masteral degree still taking some undergraduate courses as a requirement and they're a lot older and more experienced about jobs and life in general... so it isn't a usual class. The major subjects for Library & Info. Science seem informal and comfortable, and it suits me.

OK, subjects this sem:
LIS 311: Information Technology in Libraries
LIS 315: Management of Libraries and Information Centers
LIS 317: Information Processing and Handling
LIS 318: Filipiniana Resources Management
LIS 419: Introduction to Archives and Records Management
Minors: Philippine Literature, Retorikang Filipino, Earth Science

Scott Douglas's tips for aspiring librarians from of Dispatches from a Public Librarian:
> Avoid cataloging classes; they will be pointless.
> Take an internship or practicum.
> Ninety percent of what your teachers teach you is theory that does you no good in the workplace; do your best to forget it after you leave school.
> Ask your teacher why a public library uses the Dewey cataloging system as opposed to LOC, then doodle for the next three hours while they explain it.
> Buy a laptop and play FreeCell during lectures.
> Libraries don't do, librarians do.
> Two weeks working in a library will give you more experience than two years in graduate school.
> Gain as much computer knowledge as humanly possible-- this will put you ahead of so many other librarians.
> Letters to the editor do not count as professional publications and will not impress the instructor.
> I am sorry to say that you may find your stay in graduate school to be not very stimulating and quite a yawn, but the job that follows is quite the contrary.

LIS isn't a very popular course, and there's still the outdated stereotypes about librarians and what they do, but we're evolving fast. Tell graduating high school students you know that there's currently, and will be, a demand for this job.

Well, this entry is a bit disjointed as my head since most major exams and two reports are due next week, and I don't want to leave this blog empty. OK...

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

50%...

I like it that the negative reactions to that Bayo campaign ad is a wake-up call for us all.


We all have this unspoken assumption that the people with foreign blood in them is more pretty and classy. If someone is beautiful, we automatically ask if he or she has foreign relations. Someone is pretty if he or she has features that are "foreign". Look at most of our models and actors (but its their job to look good anyway). Its just an extension of colonial mentality that's difficult to completely abolish, added with standards of beauty that are centuries old.
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Unrelated, I recall Michael Taylor's rant in the book 'Gapo by Lualhati Bautista. That's the best Filipino book I've read on our own racism to ourselves. Michael is a singer who hates Americans, especially his own father, an American soldier who left. His roommate (out of some arrangement with Michael's dead mother) Magdalena is a hostess who wants an American to take her to the US. This interaction can sum it up better:
"Hindi gano'n si Sam. May pagtingin siya sa 'kin."
"H'wag mong lokohin ang sarili mo. Binibili ka lang niya."
     Napatindig si Magda sabay bagsak sa mesa ng magkabilang palad (mahilig din si Magda sa mga dramatikong pa-epekto).
     "How dare you?"
     "Hindi ba? Baka hindi mo lang tinatanggapan ng bayad si Sam dahil ikaw ang may gusto sa kanya?"
     "Wala kang pakialam!"
     Nang-uuyam ang ngiting gumuhit sa sulok ng bibig ni Mike. "Meron. Kapwa ko, mahal ko. Sori, baby. Pero hindi ikaw ang unang nangarap ng states. Nauna sa'yo ang nanay ko. At maramu pa ring nauna sa nanay ko."
     Nasara uli ang bibig ni Magda.
     Pakibit-balikat na inabot ni Sam ang gitara nya.
     "Pero sige lang. Marami pang Sam sa Olongapo. Basta kano, pwede na sa'yo, diba? At pagkatapos, mag-anak ka na rin ng bastardong gaya ko."


     "Puro kayo gaga. 1900 pa lang inaanakan na kayo ng mga kano. Pero hanggang ngayon, hindi pa kayo nadadala. Kaya tuloy nag-kakatusak ang mga GI baby dito. Kamukha ko. Eto, panorpresa lang sa isang demonyong kano. Maawa ka naman sa anak mo!"

-Bautista, Lualhati (1992). 'Gapo (at isang puting Pilipino, sa mundo nga mga Amerikanong kulay brown). Cacho Publishing House, Inc.: Mandaluyong.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

David Foster Wallace on TV and "pretty"

 This is what I've been trying to say, said better by a more skilled writer.
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faceless ugly insecure paper bag cover face

"One of the things that makes the people on TV fit to stand the mega-gaze is that they are, by human standards, really pretty. I suspect that this, like most television conventions, is set up with no motive more sinister than to appeal to the largest possible Audience. Pretty people tend to be more pleasing to look at than non-pretty people. But when we're talking about television, the combination of sheer Audience size and quiet psychic intercourse between images and oglers starts a cycle that both enhances pretty images' appeal and erodes us viewers' own security in the face of gazes.

Because of the way human beings relate to narrative, we tend to identify with those characters we find appealing. We try to see ourselves in them. The same I.D.-relation, however, also means that we try to see them in ourselves. When everybody we seek to identify with for six hours a day is pretty, it naturally becomes more important to us to be pretty, to be viewed as pretty.

Because prettiness becomes a priority for us, the pretty people on TV become all the more attractive, a cycle which is obviously great for TV. But it's less great for us civilians, who tend to own mirrors, and who also tend not to be anywhere near as pretty as the images we try to identify with. Not only does this cause some angst personally, but the angst increases because, nationally, everybody else is absorbing six-hour doses and identifying with pretty people and valuing prettiness more, too.

This very personal anxiety about our prettiness has become a national phenomenon with national consequences. The whole U.S.A. gets different about things it values and fears. The boom in diet aids, health and fitness clubs, neighborhood tanning parlors, cosmetic surgery, anorexia, bulimia, steroid use among boys, girls throwing acid at each other because one girl's hair looks more like Farrah Fawcett's than another's . . . are these supposed to be unrelated to each other? to the apotheosis of prettiness in a televisual culture?

It's not paranoid or hysterical to acknowledge that television in large doses affects people's values and self-esteem in deep ways. That televisual conditioning influences the whole psychology of one's relation to himself, his mirror, his loved ones, and a world of real people and real gazes. No one's going to claim that a culture all about watching and appearing is fatally compromised by unreal standards of beauty and fitness."
- from E unibus pluram: television and U.S. fiction // by David Foster Wallace

Saturday, May 26, 2012

Idolatry in everyday life

It seems that my blog is turning to a Tumblr reblog site. As for my life, I'm kind of late to the party in reading The Lord of the Rings but I finished it yesterday and its my current obsession, and I'm about to write a long post on that. Another school year is starting, two years left and this dreaded college will be over. I hope that this semester will be better.

Here's another quote:
Because here's something else that's weird but true: in the day-to-day trenches of adult life, there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship. And the compelling reason for maybe choosing some sort of god or spiritual-type thing to worship--be it JC or Allah, be it YHWH or the Wiccan Mother Goddess, or the Four Noble Truths, or some inviolable set of ethical principles--is that pretty much anything else you worship will eat you alive. If you worship money and things, if they are where you tap real meaning in life, then you will never have enough, never feel you have enough. It's the truth. Worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. And when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally grieve you. On one level, we all know this stuff already. It's been codified as myths, proverbs, clichés, epigrams, parables; the skeleton of every great story. The whole trick is keeping the truth up front in daily consciousness.

-David Foster Wallace, This is Water

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

ILLUSIONS: The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah [review]

“What if somebody came along who was really good at this, who could teach me how the world works? If a Buddha or Jesus came to our time and landed in the same meadow with me, what would he say, what would he be like?” asks Richard Bach in his foreword to Illusions. Here he meets the mysterious ex-Savior Donald Shimoda, now flying around passengers on his biplane for a living, same job as his.

Ex-Messiah. Donald just decided to quit. He didn't like the crowds starting to praise him. He still can do miracles, though. His shadow passes over dead bugs and they fly away alive. He can walk on water, swim on soil, walk through walls. He can see the future but tries not to think of it. He's lived in many lifetimes here, in other worlds, and in different dimensions. He's been a wanderer lately.

“Stay in one place too long and people knew I was something strange. Brush against my sleeve, you're healed of terminal cancer, and before the week's over the crowd's there again. This airplane keeps me moving, and nobody knows where I came from or where I'm going next, which suits me pretty well.” He once walked off a crowd to the sea, and then disappeared.

He teases Richard with magic tricks at first. Richard wonders if Masters receive formal training or practice. Donald hands him the Messiah's Handbook & Reminders for the Advanced Soul, filled with epigrams.

Learning is finding out what you already know. Doing is demonstrating that you know it. Teaching is reminding others that they know just as well as you. You are all learners, doers, teachers. Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself.  Being true to anyone or anything else is not only impossible, but the mark of the fake messiah.

Richard doesn't pray to him, they're just friends. Don quit because people only came to him for the miracles and not for his message. Don teaches him about life in unconventional means, even walks on the lake with him. He tells Richard that all of us are unrealized messiahs.

In the end, Don dies. He doesn’t come back from the dead, though visits Richard for the last time through a dream. Life isn't the same. The last page of the Messiah's handbook says: Everything in this book might be wrong.
 - - - - - 
The whole book's message can be summed up by this short parable in the foreword:
Once there lived a village of creatures along the bottom of a great crystal river. The current of the river swept silently over them all--young and old, rich and poor, good and evil, the current going its own way, knowing only its own crystal self.

Each creature in its own manner clung tightly to the twigs and rocks of the river bottom, for clinging was their way of life, and resisting the current what each had learned from birth. But one creature said at last, "I am tired of clinging. Though I cannot see it with my eyes, I trust that the current knows where it is going. I shall let go, and let it take me where it will. Clinging, I shall die of boredom."

The other creatures laughed and said, "Fool! Let go, and that current you worship will throw you tumbled and smashed across the rocks and you will die quicker than boredom!" But the one heeded them not, and taking a breath did let go, and at once was tumbled and smashed by the current across the rocks.

Yet in time, as the creature refused to cling again, the current lifted him free from the bottom, and he was bruised and hurt no more. And the creatures downstream, to whom he was a stranger, cried, "See a miracle! A creature like ourselves, yet he flies! See the Messiah, come to save us all!"

And the one carried in the current said, "I am no more Messiah than you. The river delights to lift us free, if only we dare let go. Our true work is this voyage, this adventure." But they cried the more, "Savior!" all the while clinging to the rocks, and when they looked again he was gone, and they were left alone making legends of a Savior.
(
© Richard Bach)

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

"On Pride" by C.S. Lewis

C.S. Lewis Narnia Christianity pride seven sins
Reading the works of this author made me rethink religion. I started with all of The Chronicles of Narnia and moved to his nonfiction. This is an essay from Mere Christianity, with parts cut out for a speech.
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"There is one vice which everyone is a victim, and of which hardly anyone ever imagine that they are guilty. I have heard people admit that they are bad-tempered, or that they cannot keep their heads about girls or drink, or even that they are cowards. I've hardly heard anyone who was not a Christian accuse himself of this. And the more we have it ourselves, the more we dislike it in others.
 
I'm talking of Pride or Self-Conceit. In Christian teachings, it is the utmost evil. Unchastity, anger, greed, and all that, are mere fleabites in comparison: it was through Pride that the devil became the devil. Pride leads to every other vice. It is the complete anti-God state of mind.

Does this seem exaggerated? If so, think it over. It is said if you want to find out how proud you are the easiest way is to ask yourself, "How much do I dislike it when other people snub me, or refuse to take any notice of me, or patronise me, or show off?"  The point is a person's pride is in competition with everyone else's pride. It's because I wanted to be the big noise at the party that I am so annoyed at someone else being the big noise.

Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. If everyone were equal there would be nothing to be proud about. It’s the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once competition has gone, pride has gone. Almost all evils in the world which we blame to greed or selfishness are really far more the result of Pride.

In  God  you  come  up  against something which  is in every  respect immeasurably superior  to  yourself.  As long as you are proud you cannot know God. A proud man is always looking down on things and people: and as long as you are looking down, you can't see something that is above you.

That raises a terrible question. How is it that people who are quite obviously eaten up with Pride can say they believe in God and appear to themselves very religious? I am afraid it means they are worshipping an imaginary God. They theoretically admit themselves to be nothing in the presence of this phantom God, but are really all the time imagining how He approves of them and thinks them far better than ordinary people: that is, they pay a pennyworth of imaginary humility to Him and get out of it a pound's worth of Pride towards their fellow-men. 

I suppose it was of those people Christ was thinking when He said that some would preach about Him and cast out devils in His name, only to be told at the end of the world that He had never known them. And any of us may at any moment be in this death-trap. Luckily, we have a test. Whenever we find that our religious life is making us feel that we are good - above all, that we are better than someone else - I think we may be sure that we are being acted on, not by God, but by the devil. The real test of being in the presence of God is that you either forget about yourself altogether or see yourself as a small, dirty object. It is better to forget about yourself altogether.

Pride is spiritual cancer: it eats up the possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense.

If anyone would like to have humility, I think I can tell him the first step: realize that you are proud. That's a big step, too. At least, nothing whatever can be done before it. If you think you are not conceited, it means you are very conceited indeed."

Monday, April 30, 2012

PostSecrets (image heavy)

Postsecret, an anonymous community where secrets are submitted, has been one of my favorite websites since I discovered the internet. I've saved many secrets over the years, thinking that they might be used later for blog entries. Since I got so many of them with no entries written to go with them, I'll just post them all here.

 
I found out this was written by artist Frida Kahlo, the woman in the picture. She said this about some French artists: "They are so damn 'intellectual' and rotten that I can't stand them anymore....I'd rather sit on the floor in the market of Toluca and sell tortillas, than have anything to do with those 'artistic' bitches of Paris.
Okay, I'm now a fan. 
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True!
  • Postsecrets on school and education
  • Crime
  • Family

  • On being hot
  • Doubting oneself




I don't know how to categorize these:

Of course, secrets to lighten up the day a bit:

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I used to be an expert in sweating the small stuff.


I read this in Don't Sweat the Small Stuff for Teens by Richard Carlson and thought, “Wait. Story of my life.”

I received a great letter from a teen who told me that, in the past, she had created a life in her head that included no friends. She'd convinced herself that no one could like her, and that everyone was angry with her. After hearing about the importance of recognizing her own thinking, she woke up to the fact that she was simply carrying on in her mind – it was just her thinking.

She said that she still has occasional insecure thoughts about what others are going to think of her, but she has learned to take them less seriously. As she recognizes her thinking, the sting of pain leaves her.

Before, I thought I'd never be alright the way I am now. It turns out I just created a negative image of myself. Now that I'm 19, I feel like I didn't live the best of my teen years. Its only now I've realized that the best way to get rid of unpleasant feelings and insecurity is to think and do more for others. Forget myself, then I'll forget my problems (most are imaginary, anyway).  


Sunday, April 8, 2012

I don't have anything to say, here's links

kakashi bored reading icha icha paradise relaxing books erotic funny melodrama
"The only character who anybody really cares about on this damn show is Kakashi, who never gets to do anything interesting because we're supposed to be more interested in his neurotic asshole students.  Kakashi is so bored on this show (and who could blame him) that he's been dealing with his stultifying life by reading erotic novels, especially his favorite series Come Come Paradise. Well, the author of Come Come Paradise is no more, meaning Kakashi's spiritual sustenance is gone. Now, rather than sticking his nose in the latest CCP to give everyone the message that he doesn't care about their idiotic little lives and their idiotic little problems, Kakashi will have to stand there and listen to what the other characters on this show have to say. It is true that his character is somewhat shrouded in mystery, but I don't see what he could have possibly done in his past to make him deserve this.

In this situation, either he will commit ritual suicide, or he'll defect to another anime that actually features intelligent people, like Ghost in the Shell or something."
  • Adventures in Depression: "If my life was a movie, the turning point of my depression would have been inspirational and meaningful. It would have involved wisdom-filled epiphanies about discovering my true self and I would conquer my demons and go on to live out the rest of my life in happiness." This short funny comic describes my petty depressions one time (Jan'09-Oct'10)

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Zen Shin Talks notes

Here are some quotes and notes from a book on Zen. Its not at all 'deep'. When I say Zen some may think of monks meditating, chanting, esoteric teachings of the Truth, but its not just that at all. Fore me, its more on practical advice on living and how to keep a calm state of mind. I like it when a book sounds warm and friendly, that when you read its like having a cup of tea with the writer.
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The Golden Gate bridge is beautiful to the passersby, but is a symbol of despair for a mother whose child killed himself there. Though, the bridge is as is.

Whatever happens happens, but see your daily activities as important. See it, face it, overcome it, then learn.

The worst enemy in our life is to believe "I'm absolutely right" when we are wrong. We like things that agree with our notion of what is good and right. We are a victim of notions. We think we understand when we don't.  When you think you are right, correct it by letting others.

Our ego cheers us up when it impresses others.

On one side of a fan it was written, "If I don't do it, who will?" and the other has "The world would not change if you did not exist." When you fan yourself, both sides produce the cool wind.

We have wants and attachments. Wanting to be pretty or smart, attachments to people and ideas. Our ego traps us.

Empty yourself to see things as they are. See beyond identities and classifications.

A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms.

We all look for some kind of miracle, for a Savior to come from some place to save us. But I say, this is enough. This is miracle enough. I am here. You are here. Your heart is beating. Isn't that amazing?

Talking, planning, thinking, and knowing are different from doing.

...being a conclusion seeker is a modern sickness. Some teenagers actually kill themselves because they arrived at a conclusion about their lives.

Because of people's preconceived ideas and their strong feelings, they hardly hear me. So make yourself empty, then you can truly learn.

A stupid person never realizes how stupid he is, a  person who thinks he is wise is dangerous. Maturity means learning to be careful with your stupidities and to watch out for yourself and others.

The more we have distance between ourselves and situations, we think of them as problems.

Words, ideas, and information burden our minds. So much of our education and fast-paced technology creates pressure.

I thought I was supposed to visit the AIDS patients to comfort them, but its me who gets comforted by them. They don't worry about after life or before life and so on. They are perfectly in their life, right then. They don't even need a name. We need a name, a life of compassion, the powers of God or Buddha or so on. But they don't think they need any of these.

If there is no concept of happiness or unhappiness, we'll never be unhappy. There is an expectation that we should be happy-- but this creates frustration, especially if things don't go as you wish.

I want to live my life totally. I know my life will never occur again, in the same condition as right now. So I will do the best I can without comparison to others.

We are living in the process of becoming. That's why I said that I might explain it better tomorrow. But i won't be here tomorrow.