|This picture has nothing to do with this post. I've realized I'm turning 20 next year. |
I have 3 months left until the -teen suffix is gone. Yet I still feel like I'm 12.
2009. Not going to school for a while eased years of trouble off my head. Since I can remember, I've always hated school. Nursery to 1st year college: that's around 13 years, and I've been at the most burnt of burn outs. I was a fairly capable student and excelled in subjects I'm genuinely interested in, but my hating school led to chronic absenteeism and suddenly anyone or anything just didn't hold enough interest in me to care. My parents noticed I didn't go to university anymore. I did go back to return overdue books in the library and pay fines. I pretended to go to school, when I only watched movies in mall cinemas alone to kill time. Finally, with resignation and not pushing me to do things I don't want to, it was my father who filed a leave of absence from school.
2010. No school. I spent most of my time reading. It felt good, no looming deadlines or annoying gossipy classmates to think of. I felt peace, but also a bit of guilt. It felt good that I don't have a responsibility to anyone or anything. I still felt slight pangs of guilt when I logged in websites and read about classmates enrolling, read casual conversations of happenings in school, when I wasn't doing anything except menial chores at home. I didn't try to think about it yet, but I knew that later I will have to go back to those dreaded places called schools.
My brother finally pushed me to go back. "Do you want to return to UP?" was the question. "Of course not." was the absolute answer. It was all a haze. Its not because I hated the place or people or all I learned (which I am still grateful for even if I failed subjects), but all the hours of riding in those speedy jeeps felt like my mind eroded. It didn't seem to matter at that time. So we took a telephone directory and looked at advertisements of universities. That means I will have to choose a new course, another school. I picked one out without really thinking.
We had to go back to Miag-ao for signing clearances. It was just before the 2nd semester of 2010. There were no students in when we went, and the people signing seemed oddly nice now that I'm not going back.
2012. All of this is not a big deal. I think BLIS is more appropriate for me. What they teach is the actual stuff on the job, which I like more than abstract theories of thinking.
I got more accomplished when it comes to studies. Last sem, I got my first 1.0 in a 5-unit subject (IT in Libraries) and never got grades lower than 1.5. To my shock, I got a full scholarship for this semester because of that. It made my mom happy, which I hope somewhat makes up for all the trouble she had with me in those years I disliked school.
2014. On my last semester, there will only be 1 6-unit Practicum subject where me and my classmates will intern in various libraries here. I will still have to pass the librarian's board exam to be considered a professional. Its a funny coincidence, how once I was full of uncertainty, and the choices I made seemed unsure, random. Things have a way of straightening out, eventually.
That's all. Enjoy the Christmas and New Year, everyone.