"April's ending already!?" [long rant ahead]

I was about to write something eloquent to say that this blog will be updated rarely, that I'm thinking of abandoning it and just post book reviews. Then, something happens that makes me say: Wait, I still have a lot of Shit To Say that I can only write out. Writing it out is better than speaking it out loud. Words can be rewritten, edited, and polished to convey what I want to say clearer than when I speak. My writing personality is stronger than the rest of me. I think the 'me' here is different from Real Life^TM. Except when:

"You keep a blog, and in that blog you say shit, and the shit comes back to haunt you," said author Caitlín R. Kiernan in an interview. For me, that also applies to all stupid things and comments I ever posted on the internet. Or anything I ever told anyone I now regret telling them. I'm not a fan of 'opening up'.

These two pictures sum it up:

I have more sympathy for the sunken Titanic.

This is what I want to tell anyone who imposes on me their Idea Of Fun. It seems they don't even know what 'relativity' means. I have tried to conform to their Idea Of Fun, but turns out I was happier in MY own Idea Of Fun. Yes, I get this all the time. I have to keep my cool because sometimes these people need a dose of a Punch In The Face^TM  for their arguments. Not that I'm strong enough to hit them, but its what I imagine doing. "My Idea Of Fun? You leaving me alone," is what I will say next time it happens. (This is not about books at all like in the picture).

This sounds vague. To be specific (I hate bringing this up again): annoying extroverts who try to convince introverts that extroversion is the Only Way To Be. Hell, that I even describe myself as that was a long time ago! Someone assumed I was "anti-social" and proceeded to lecture me and try to 'improve' me. What the hell? The issue is very simple: I get along okay with everyone! I just really need some alone time or I'll go crazy! Is that so abnormal? Problem is, they don't even believe me or hear out my side. They'd rather stick to their imaginary version of me. They'd rather tell me what they think is RIGHT, when I'm fine and alright with myself.

I was really drained from entertaining his arguments. He never succeeded in 'improving' me (only in pissing me off, which I think was his intention all along then tell me to 'Calm down' when I was reasonably explaining my side). Well, congratulations mister! You're a Toxic Energy Vampire I'd get rid from my life! "I'm not anti-social, I just don't like you! I'm only anti-social towards you."

OMFG, why didn't I think of that last two sentences earlier? Really, all good answers come late. I should've said it lovingly, with a smile and a happy tone. Ah, let's just erase this day from memory.

All this? What happens when someone creates problems out of nothing. 

Moral lesson: It's people who assume they are 'well-meaning' are prone to be control freaks. They tend to be assholes who aren't aware they are assholes because of their (self)righteous ideas. I learned today to never speak to them in the first place. They seem to get an odd satisfaction when they get people to shut up. I don't know how to say that in English: it's when people are like, "Te, nag-hipos man sya gali" to prove themselves right. They get off on that. Don't speak to them and pretend they don't exist. They won't have the satisfaction of 'shutting you up' if you don't speak to them. I wish I was strong enough to do a decent Punch In The Face^TM on them. For now I'm content with the mental image.

My Answer: That quote from Neil Armstrong I posted a long time ago. Ah, maybe that person didn't care enough to be updated about my life. Not that I expect anyone to be.

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 Topic #3: Quotes of the Week

I'm reading a funny story. Some may be annoyed by the main character's attitude, but he has reasons for acting that way. If I was surrounded with people like those around him I'd act like that, too. Some quotes:

• "He was the careless dud, the false alarm, somebody who strived to be nobody."
• "Nobody liked him and he liked nobody. That was the natural balance of the world around him and that was where it needed to stay. A friend would only get in his way."
• "At least his sister put food into his stomach and a roof over his head. These teachers didn't offer anything of remote use to him, and thus he wouldn't succumb to their will."
• "After all, where he went people did not follow, and where he stayed was were people left. It suited him just fine."
• "He was not a joker. He was just one of those drifting nobodies who wished everyone would leave him the hell alone.

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In writing all that out, I feel so calm now. Something to laugh about later.This is the last time I mention it, and somehow I don't feel angry anymore -- I just feel pathetic for wasting my time.

Movie: The Devil's Double (2011)

(Disclaimer: My posts on books and movies are more reactions than proper reviews.)  

The Devil's Double is loosely based on the true story of Latif Yahia, a man hired as body double of Saddam Hussein's son, Uday. Latif is a simple soldier while Uday is a spoiled party boy. That's the simplest comparison. Uday is called 'The Devil': killed his father's assistant in a party, raped minors picked off schools, gets a deadly rage when angered that there's a body count right after. Even Saddam told him, "I wish I killed you when you were born."

Latif is chosen after a war and taken to a plastic surgeon to make him look exactly as Uday. They already know each other, both had been classmates in elementary and others often comment on how similar they look. Latif resists at first but agrees after being tortured and his family threatened. Uday will stop at nothing to get what he wants. Latif is told to 'kill' himself -- his family thinks he's dead anyway -- and BE from now on Uday Saddam Hussein.

Being the son of Iraq's dictator has its perks: he gets to live in opulence, he can wear expensive wardrobe, everything for Uday is free to him. The downside is bloody. Latif will go to events as Uday, and the number of attempted killings for the prince during Latif's stint says that a body double is really needed. In contrast to Uday's careless debauchery, Latif gets in the act as the responsible son. Latif is the one who speaks to motivate the soldiers, he's skilled in combat and survived death threats, while the brat Uday will only call on his bodyguards at the first hint of danger.

My favorite scene was Latif looking at the mirror after being tortured, hating his face and fate, punching the mirror and slamming a door on the way out... spoofing Uday's tantrums. Of course, Latif tries his best to act like Uday. He hates Uday, but knows he can't do anything about it, or he'd be dead. One can only endure seeing too much uncontrolled insanity.

Latif, Uday, and the mirror

The viewer will hate Uday and root for Latif. After all the brutality, the last scene when Latif finally gets his revenge is satisfying.

Dominic Cooper portrays both, and I laud him for his acting of such opposing characters. I first doubted if it was the same person. The actor says that he's been a bit schizophrenic during the shoot. The movie is a portrait of Uday Hussein's cruelty and its consequences, and how a simple guy stops him even it seemed impossible.

 - - - - -
This song from the soundtrack was played during a party scene, I thought it was an Iraqi "Right Round" but found out its the original song where Flo Rida got his catchy chorus. "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)" by Dead or Alive, it makes me feel dizzy listening:

On "Pretty"

"You got a bit fat. You must thin out soon, or you'll not get any suitors."

My father's female officemate said that to me once. I didn't expect a comment like that to hurt. It did at that time.

These are things about me: I'm 18 and a girl. Yes, until now no one has expressed any interest in me, nor am I interested. I look at my friends that have had relationships and decided its all a waste of time. I'd rather study than waste emotions to petty arguments and shit. Yeah, I know some may say that I'm emotionally repressed, that the 'right person' will come, but no thanks.

Its the comment. That time I didn't answer, but like all good answers, it only came to my mind later. I should've said: "So, you mean I need something called a suitor? So I need to loose some pounds before I get one?" So she was implying, that I have to be prettier by being thinner. So a boyfriend is proof that you're pretty enough. I heard it more than once from a telenovela, you're beautiful, so why don't you have a boyfriend?

Still, the pressure to be pretty. Good-looking. and (how I dislike the word) Hot.

In elementary, a friend played a game of classifying our female classmates to "Beautiful", "Cute", "Charming", and "Sexy". I don't know whatever definition she made up for it, but she said that I'm only in the 'cute' category because my face is not right.

The idea for another game was from a movie that has a serial killer that cuts off the more desirable body parts of her victims and stitches them all up to create a 'perfect person'. We would choose who has the best body part among our classmates and imagine the result. Yes, its creepy to me now, how we were metaphorically cutting off limbs from our classmates in imagination. She said my hands and feet are perfect, but as I remember it now I only feel a phantom rotating blade of a chainsaw and my hands and feet cut off, with blood and broken bones, and what a scary game to be played by twelve-year-olds. (And the arms would be from... R's legs are gorgeous... H's hair!)

It was only the start of metaphorical amputating. Imagine my horror when the same friend told us girls what the boys in class thought of our bodies (may I remind you, we were 12 year olds), with phrases like "her breasts and butt are too small or too big" with gestures of hands in the air drawing curves of body shapes. To them, it was funny. I started being uncomfortable about my body. I guess, that stage starts at puberty, and some of it continues until now.

It was degrading, being judged by inadequate body parts. Maybe its worse now.

The girl who made up those games isn't here now, isn't my friend anymore. She was the popular one, got five boyfriends at a time even in high school. The downside were her failing grades. About a year ago, her Facebook was filled with arguments with her current boyfriend about her cheating, and asking for advice from someone... I wish I didn't bother. That's what I dislike whe I'm on that site, because I keep on reading about things I'm better not knowing. We're veering off-topic again.

 

Read on "The Golden Ratio"

In another magazine article about beauty saying that an attractive face is one that is in proportion and symmetrical, it shows a woman's face with mapped white lines. One phrase that bothered me was, being attractive was being 'ahead of the game'. What game? Getting the most attention, compliments, and suitors?

I have another friend, who I think is beautiful. Still, she says that if she sees someone very pretty she starts having insecure feelings and wishing she was her. I thought I was bad with the insecurity, but I won't get to the point of wishing I was another person. This friend seems to have the opinion that good-looking ones are ahead of the food chain. Or the game, whatever that is. "Daw si sin-o guid sya, law-ay man!" ("She acts like she's so above us, she's ugly!"), kag ang sabat ko naman ya, "Bale ang mga gwapa lang pwede ka-pa-daw-si-sin-o?" (and my answer would be, "So its the beautiful ones who have the right to act nasty?").

But this trend and attitude is seen as normal, and this rant... may sound like I'm bitter or jealous. I used to be. I just remembered a simple comment that got me thinking about 'pretty'. Its been told to us many times that inner is better than outer beauty, I'm not so far gone to suggest to imagine a world where everyone is blind.